Why You Shouldn't Ditch 2016 Just Yet

It's been a while - a long while since I've written here.  I decided to dust this space off and crack our front door open a bit to give you a glimpse of what's going on inside.  By nature,  I've come to accept that I'm an intensely private person.  However, in my time alone with my journal, a cup of coffee, and the Holy Spirit, reflecting on 2016 and looking ahead to a new year, I felt the nudge to let you in.   I assume it's not for just for me, but hopefully there's a chance one or two of you may find a dose of hope and encouragement.  

I'll spare the mic drop of telling you how many times we've moved in the past four years.  Let's just jump to the beginning of 2016.  For almost three years now we have been primarily responsible for my husband's mom who has quite a few health issues.  We've walked the journey into the season of one of our parents no longer being able to live alone and figuring out what the next steps were.  We find ourselves in two phases of life at the same time: raising small children and caring for an aging parent.  Early this year, we began to pray about what it was supposed to look like from here on out, and had deep conviction that our home (both the physical one and the culture and atmosphere that exists within our family) was to be a place where all can thrive.   Not long at all after the conversation my husband and I had coming into agreement that, "yes, this is God's heart for us and this is who we want to be" that Bam! the doors opened and we found ourselves the new owners of a home that had the layout we needed for my mother-in-law to be with us permanently.   Our heads were spinning from the speed at which all of this happened.  The following two or three months consisted of packing our current home while homeschooling, working,  and continuing to care for my mother-in-law from where she was currently living.  Her care didn't stop just because we were in transition.  We closed on the new home and had to do some substantial remodeling to the space where she would be living along with adding some safety features.  We moved.  We packed her up, moved her, unpacked us all and then dealt with the emotional adjustments to our new "normal."  I thought my kids were exceedingly adaptable given their life experiences, but one surprised us significant difficulty adjusting to the change, and we walked through that with him.  It all sounds romantic with phrases like "we want our home to be haven, a refuge for those in need."  The truth is, it's hard!  It's messy!  There were days that we thought, "what did we just do?"  A month or so into it, things began to smooth out. Kids were calming down, routines were being formed, boxes unpacked, mother-in-law beginning to feel at home when we were thrown another curve ball.  In July she came down with a cold which led to pneumonia which led discovering a mass which led to a diagnosis of stage 3 lung cancer.  Within months of the day my husband and I said "yes" to what we felt God saying, this is where we found ourselves - parents to two young children, one husband working full time, one wife homeschooling, and walking with an aging parent who lives with us and going through cancer treatment which consists of numerous doctor's appointments, and daily trips for radiation treatments which lasted seven weeks, the side effects, two falls one that included an ambulance ride and a broken rib, the other a head injury, and two more bouts of pneumonia.  We have friends, family, and a close community that knows the inner workings of our life right now (for which we are extremely thankful!), and I don't feel obligated to share our current circumstance, but I want to.  I want to because I know with every smiling picture posted on social media, sometimes there's more than meets the eye.  We are all caught up in a story bigger than ourselves.  We all wrestle.  We all doubt and wonder if certain seasons are ever going to change. I've seen lots of posts lately that say something to the effect of "Ready to say goodbye to 2016 and move on to 2017."  The thing is, I feel like I read similar posts last year about 2015 and 1016 and the year before that.  Can I suggest that if we dig deep enough we can uncover some real gems in the midst of whatever was hard about our previous year?  For all that I just shared above there have been countless moments of pure joy and many things to be thankful  for  like... Countless meals shared around our table.  Friends bringing us meals unexpectedly on a hard day numerous times.   People watching our kids in a moments notice.  Reading good books cuddled on the sofa with my boys.  Visits from out of town friends and family.  Laughter. Friendship.  Date nights. Meeting new neighbors who have quickly become friends and making other new friends. Countless walks and jogs on the trail near our house. Seeing God do miracles in a friend's health.  The cancer in my mother in law has shrunk from the radiation. My parents came to visit. Our boys are thriving.  Great doctors and nurses. Always having what we need when we need it. Provision of a home and space so quickly. The timing of having everyone moved before we found out about the cancer, and I could go on. 

It's amazing that as intense as this year has been, it has not been without joy.  That's because we can have exhaustion, anxst (apparently this isn't a word, but I'm using it anyway), frustration, tears, pain, and uncertainty.  We can even flop and fail at what we're trying to be about.  Some days I feel like the worst person for this job!  I'm constantly learning that perfection is not a pre-requisite.  Then like a flower squeezing up through the cracks of a sidewalk joy appears.  It's deep seated.  It's strong.  It defies external circumstances.  It's not happiness.  It's better than that.  Happiness is fleeting and it hinges on my circumstances.  Joy comes from the Giver of all good gifts.  Most often we miss it because it's packaged in things we like to avoid like patience, hardship, suffering, and inconvenience.  If we dare to receive the package and stay the course, it's coming, it's there.  It's even available in the midst of our trials if we know that what we are going through is not without good purpose.  The umbrella of the Father's heart towards us is our covering.  It gives us permission for joy.  We would not have a reference for this if we had not been through other extremely hard seasons in the recent past.  We've learned to view these times as a gift - a gift to our character, a gift to our perseverance, and a gift of trusting deeper in the Father heart of God.  Our prayer then and still is that we would not shy away but let endurance, let the trial accomplish all that it is meant to in us.  I love how The Message articulates James 1:2-4 

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides.  You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors.  So don't try to get out of anything prematurely.  Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.  

One thing I continue to learn is that trying  to position my life to avoid uncertainty, inconvenience, and any encroachment on my freedoms and comfort is not where my emptiness will be filled or true joy will come from.  I'm with everyone else.  I love the hope of a brand new year and the possibilities it holds.  We've personally got several specific goals for this year.   However, don't leave 2016 in the rear view mirror so quickly. There is beauty among the ashes.   There's something sacred in the suffering.  There could be miracles we've missed if we say so long too soon.   Linger long enough to taste the miracle of joy!  

Being Certain in the Uncertain

One morning about nineteen months ago,  we told our two little ones that we were going on a little "vacation" to Zimbabwe from what we were beginning to call home in Mozambique.  We had no intentions of burdening their little hearts with the fact that mommy was getting over yet another bout of malaria, fifteen pounds lighter, and both of us overcome and overwhelmed by the prior eight weeks of sickness, culture shock, and general anxiety.  

There we were, loading our van with last minute necessities, wrangling the boys as they were running around chasing the dogs and digging in the dirt.
Little did we know, we would not return at all.  That is the last place we as a family would be in a home of our own for over a year and a half.  Zimbabwe turned into six weeks of my husband being extremely ill with something that could not be diagnosed, and a gut wrenching decision to leave straight from Zimbabwe to head back to the US.   We have been back for fourteen months, and in about a week we will finally be moving into our own home again.  We sold our house and most of our posessions before we moved to Africa assuming we would be there for years.  To say we are eager and excited to be having a place to call our own again and putting down some roots would be an understatement.  BUT....to believe having our own plot of real estate or a specific place to call "home" is the pinnacle of satisfaction or security in this life would be way off the mark too.  Tyson and I had a rare moment to sit and reflect on this past season and the one ahead.  We've learned SO much, SO much!  When life feels the most uncertain, we can be the most certain that God is up to something beyond our own capabilities.  We agreed that security is just an illusion.  We've had so many "insecure" moments or what felt insecure to us, and our circumstances have certainly looked less than stable.  This time has been an eternal gift to both of us.  The gift of growing deeper in fellowship with Him in His sufferings, growing deeper in unfettered love with one another, growing in our parenting, growing in our own character, and in relationships with others.  We're not sure there would've been any other way to attain those things than the path we've found ourselves on.

Through it, God has allowed us to experience true security by allowing us to be stripped of what our culture would define as secure. He has held us closely and tightly.  Eternally speaking, he allowed our foundation to crumble only to rebuild it into something much stronger.  That's the gift that I wouldn't trade for anything.   This post is mainly a reminder to myself as I am so excited to be setting up my own little nest again.  May I not forget where my security lies.  May I not for one minute step out of the knowledge that I am clay and He is the potter.  He's my keeper and nothing else.   I know my tendency will be to grab on tightly and not let go.  I don't want to define this of leaving uncertainty and "arriving" to a place of certainty.    The good news is that our circumstances don't have to dictate our certainty.  However, we are super excited and have high hopes for how God wants to use our family, and our home to reflect His goodness and touch others with His love for them.  That's our prayer for sure.   Once again, our address has changed and so have our hearts!  We can't wait to find out how the two will mix!

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Reflections from A Sleepless Night - Tyson's Debut Appearance on MTMB's

Hey there!  I'm not really excited that my husband has had a case of the chicken pox lately, but I am really excited that he has written a post for our blog.  He has such an awesome heart, and he's a contemplator for sure.  He's all in with Jesus,  willing to wrestle through the hard stuff, and willing to walk with others also wrestling through the hard stuff.   Be encouraged!

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I have the Chicken Pox right now, so my sleep ended at 2 am last night for the itching.  Let me tell you it's no fun as an adult.  I'm sure it's not fun to have as a kid either :-). Symptoms have included fever, chills, headache, stiff neck, bumps with pointy blisters on top and itching as bad as if you laid in a bed of chiggers.  So at 2 am, I got up, put on salve, made a pot of coffee and looked for something good on Netflix. I watched the story about Rich Mullens, the singer/songwriter who wrote "Our God is an Awesome God". I was unaware before last night that his life was full of brokenness, loneliness, and sadness. Yet if you think about the lyrics of most of his songs, it makes sense.  They were birthed out of adversity, out of longing for his true home.   I believe Rich's authenticity helped many come out of hiding and find freedom in the love of Jesus.  In reflecting about my bout with pox, Rich Mullen's life, and our life this past year, the more I realize that what we learn is rooted much deeper, and less likely to be forgotten if it comes by experience rather than just reading about it.  His word helps us shape that experience with good perspective. 

These last few months have been especially difficult for our family, but some of the lasting fruit that has come through the adversity is that Gina and I have developed a list of  "resolves" for our marriage, and for our family that we add to and review periodically.  One of our resolves is that self-pity is not permitted - not in our kids and not in us. Self-pity is the opposite of thankfulness and leads down a destructive path.  We endeavor to model thankfulness daily, and invite Samuel and Luke in to pray with us, giving thanks to God for His goodness in our lives while bringing very real needs before him.  Of course we fail when we lose perspective, but our failures serve to help us remember that our dependence and trust lie in Him, and our resolves remind us of who He's called us to be and who we want to be.  He takes our failures, and our brokenness and He gives us Himself. He gives beauty for ashes and uses our specific brokenness to His advantage and to the benefit and encouragement of others around us.  He is God!

A Shoot Will Come Up...

"A shoot will come up from the stump of Jesse; from his roots a Branch will bear fruit."

Isaiah 11:1

We’ve been meditating on this scripture over the past couple of  weeks as we observe the advent season.  It has meant more to me this year than ever before.

Exactly one year ago, our family found ourselves in the midst of great difficulty.  We were weak, displaced, disillusioned, and floundering halfway across the world from family, familiarity, and anything resembling security.  We had just arrived in Africa after two years of preparation when we were hit with seven bouts of malaria as a family in the first eight weeks. We went and stayed on a farm with some kind folks in Zimbabwe while seeking medical care and rest. During that time Tyson became ill and couldn't get out of bed, and our 16 month old had diarrhea for 21 days straight.  To say it felt as though the stump was firmly in place with no signs of anything shooting out would be an understatement.  

In the depths of my soul, I knew the shoot was there.  I did. It had to be.  It is out of the stumps of life that the shoot springs forth.  Under all the layers of pain and discomfort, I felt something beautiful was going on. When life is unraveling and looking really hopeless is when it's just getting good.  The backdrop is forming to reflect something worth beholding.  

The Inn in Franklin, NC is where we found ourselves by mid-February after returning from Africa weary, broken, and longing for a glimpse of hope for our situation.  We needed a shoot to spring forth and it did!  The soil of our hearts were so fertile for the planting of His truth.  Difficulty plows up the hard places, shakes things up, and prepares us for roots to grow down deep.  The timing of our arrival was nothing short of a miracle.

As we were on our way to Franklin, I wasn't sure what to expect.  I was desperate for encouragement and hope, but a little fearful of making myself any more vulnerable than we already were. It was the fear of the unknown, but I'm so glad I chose to take the risk.  

From the moment we drove up, we were greeted so warmly right at our vehicle with staff and young people who were sincerely happy to have us and immediately started unpacking our luggage for us and helping us to get settled. 

The atmosphere and culture of love, humility, servanthood, and honor at The Inn was a soothing balm for our broken and hurting hearts, and I began to feel it immediately.  

I find it difficult to articulate what the Lord did in me, in our marriage, and in our family during those two weeks, but I'll do my best.  The way I picture it is that we were limping along doing the best we could with what we had on one plane, and the Lord reached down and lifted us up onto an entirely different plane and level of operating that has been unbelievable.  For the first time in our almost seven years of marriage I feel the covering and protection of my husband which frees me to be who God's made me to be as Tyson walks in and embraces His God given role in our relationship.  We now see our marriage as our highest calling, and are for the first time are experiencing the fruit of walking in agreement.  This was revolutionary for us, and it makes our relationship exponentially more effective in His Kingdom.  We now see that our own vision had to die, so that His vision for our lives could come into view.  So many scales were removed from our eyes during those two weeks, and such clarity came.

The teaching and guidance on parenting was just as life changing.  Our kids were loved on and poured into the entire time.  Not to mention, both of our kids were sick with colds, and Miss Melissa and others still loved and nurtured them so we could get the most out of our time there!  Tyson and I spent more one on one time together than we ever have since we've had children.  That was a gift in and of itself, and made it possible for us to get to the heart of matters.  It was there that we were able to see the purpose in our pain.  Everything about the entire two weeks was intentional and done with purpose for us to receive all that God had for us.  

Before we went to Africa, God impressed Matthew 13:44 on our hearts. "The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field.  When the man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field."  We knew we wanted to go after the treasure of the Kingdom with all of our hearts.   Just when we thought "our calling" had crumbled and were feeling lost and confused as to what God was doing, we realized that our marriage and our family was the in fact the treasure in the field that we had given everything to possess. 

We cannot recommend The Inn highly enough.  It is more than worth the investment of time and money.  The Inn is not just for couples and families.  They are a training center for teenagers, young adults, and individuals as well. There's no vacation in the world that will satisfy your soul like opening yourself up to The Lord and what he has for you and your family for a solid week or two and receiving the gifts that flow through Larry, Susan, and all the wonderful folks there (in the beautiful mountains of western North Carolina no less)!  

Embracing Inconvenience

"I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children." ~ Matthew 11:25

We are in a season where our car rides are a little lengthy as we commute from one town to another.  I have asked the Lord to give me a fresh perspective on this since the thought of one more 45 minute ride with two active outspoken little people in the back can sometimes feel dreadful.

Then I was reminded once again how convenience driven our western culture is.  This is something the Lord lovingly brought to my attention before we left for Africa.  I felt like He wanted me to be intentional about moving convenience down (waaaaay down) on my list of core values.  If we take a careful look, Jesus was never driven by it.  In Mozambique, our ride to town for groceries and anything really was no less than 40 minutes in a vehicle with no a/c in 90-100 degree heat.  I'm not saying that those things don't wear on you after a while or that we're wrong for luxuries like air conditioning, but I often rob myself of the blessings that are hidden in the mundane, inconvenient, patience producing moments of my life.  

If time is precious, then it holds or possesses great value.  When we live for efficiency and trading time for immediate results, we may be unintentionally robbing ourselves of a storehouse of treasures.    

That brings me to my new perspective about our frequent long car rides.  Instead of feeling trapped in a tight space with two sometimes demanding little boys for longer than I would prefer, I am seizing the opportunity to have quality, life-building conversations with my sons on a regular basis that I will cherish forever.  I'm choosing to once again kick convenience to the curb, slow down, and look for God's activity in my life and theirs.  

Here's a little story from a recent commute:  It was Samuel's fifth birthday, and we were driving to an appointment and having a great conversation.  I was reflecting with him on all that God has done in his life this past year saying things, like "Can you believe you're five?"  "It seems like you were just turning four." "Do you remember your Jake party last year in Mozambique?"  "Wow, you've been a lot of places in your life."  "How do you feel about being five now?"  Samuel answered me, "Mom, you know I was made for adventure don't you?"  So clearly, so confidently.  "Mom, that's how God made me.  I love adventure, and I always have."  It's true y'all.  The kid has very few fears.  This is the kid who jumped in the deep end on the first day of swim lessons before it was his turn and with no idea that he didn't know how to swim.  This is the kid who was willing to go to preschool in a third world village with a bunch of other children who didn't look like him or speak his language.  

Even knowing that my boy is pretty brave, I've suffered from "The Mom Guilt Syndrome" (can anyone else relate?) relentlessly hearing those accusatory voices coupled with fear in my head offering me lies like, "What are you doing to these kids? Dragging them all over the planet with no real "home?"  "You're robbing them of a typical childhood" and so on and on and on...

Guess what I heard when those words came out of my five year old's mouth?  I got a lump in my throat, first of all.  Then I felt the love of God wash over me with such compassion and the whisper of His voice...
"I love that child more than you do, and my purposes are prevailing in his life.  You have not damaged him by following me.  In fact, your obedience is blessing his life and molding him to be who he's purposed to be.  Guilt is from the enemy to stop you from following me."  

I just want to say this, Moms and Dads...We can't go wrong by letting our children watch their parents trust The Lord with all of our hearts.  God's often not in it for our comfort, and I'll bet He's sometimes not in it for theirs either.  He loves all of us too much for that.  Let's raise the next generation to consider obedience over convenience to be quite normal.

Now, back to the inconvenient long car rides...so thankful for them and glad The Lord made space to heal my heart through the words of my adventurous five year old!

What have you viewed as "inconvenient" in your life lately?  What blessing could there be wrapped inside?

Anyone carrying "mom guilt?"  May your heart be encouraged by these words today.  It's in our weakness that He is strong.  He knows our frailties,shortcomings, and circumstances.  There is Grace and an ultimate purpose in all of it!

Savoring our Longings

It has been one year since we landed in Africa.  We could use the words monumental, joyful, painful, stretching, uncertain, hopeful, and transformational to describe the past 365 days or so.  My biggest prayer now is that EVERYTHING that was planted this year, everything that was sown in our lives would reap a harvest.  Not just for us but for others.  That there would be purpose in it.  Lately I've been pondering the idea of savoring our longings.

My tendency is to jump out of my longings, fix them, and piece something together that will help my two feet land on the ground quicker.  However,  I've been reminded over the past couple of weeks that there's something beautiful and deep and rich about surrendering in the middle of our longings and soaking in them and allowing Heaven to really come to earth and be fulfilled rather than in my own human strength coming up with something I can piece together myself short changing the process of God in my life.  I have always felt something for Jonah's prayer that came while he was inside the belly of the fish.  Can you imagine his longing to be...um...out of the belly of a fish? However, that circumstance was really his salvation.  "But you brought my life up from the pit" he says.  A few verses later in the same prayer he declares..."Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs."   

Jumping out of our longings too soon causes us to forfeit God's best for us.

For some it could be waiting for the spouse God has for you.  Tyson and I waited ten years before we met.  Ten years of our lives were in a season of singleness.  That was a long season of longing for both of us - in different ways, but we were both longing.

This past year in our lives of moving our family to Africa, unexpectedly getting so sick so quickly and then returning back to the US because of it, grappling with all the implications of that, finding the balance between letting ourselves heal and feeling the need to move forward and all else in between has put us in a new season of longing.  Most recently, a desire to feel firmly rooted and secure about our new direction.  That's been my longing as a wife and a mother for sure.  I'm faced with a choice...

Sometimes, I'm mid stride leaping over to self-sufficiency when the Lord, in His kindness pulls me back into His heart where I find real rest.  Real rest comes when we surrender in His arms, and we can rest in our longings, when we realize His heart for us is good and when that longing is fulfilled if we allow ourselves to savor the longing and savor His goodness and meditate on His heart for us and allow Him to work behind the scenes that when a longing is fulfilled we will say "Wow."  Thank you for that season, thank you that we waited for YOU.  Thank you that you have done more than we could ever do ourselves.  You have done this for us!

What are you are longing for? -  a spouse, a healing, a child, a mended relationship, financial provision.  Consider this season a gift.  Know He loves you, He's working on your behalf.  He's interceding for you right now with groans that words can't express.  He can do more for us than we could ever do in our own strength.  In the process, we get the gift of intimacy with our Father.  We get the gift of the journey.  Rest.Right.Where.You.Are.  You are loved! You are not forgotten!

Packing Up One Thing and Unpacking Another

Two years of preparation...Having a baby, selling our home, selling most of our material possessions, sharing our vision and plans with others who graciously got behind us prayerfully and financially, traveling around the country spending time with family and saying goodbye, eagerly anticipating the journey that lay ahead...Mozambique!  Fellow co-workers, a new home, a new language, new local friends, school students, prisoners, babies, mothers, hearts, souls... all treasures in the Kingdom of God we were ready to pour our lives out for.

The task of organizing and packing for a family of four to move across the world was no small project.  Lists and more lists of strategically including what we could into eight large suitcases.  I can still picture in my mind the week Tyson and I worked tirelessly in his dad's workshop with our stuff spread out everywhere waiting to make the cut.  What would we have done without that luggage scale?

Our biggest priority was the suitcase containing the boys' toys and books.  My mom heart wanted them to be surrounded by some of their most beloved familiar items.  We were so delighted when everything we had chosen for them fit perfectly right at the 50 pound limit.  We laughed as we had to shuffle the last few items the night before our flight to keep all eight cases right at 50 pounds.  My votive candles didn't make it.  We were kicking ourselves for that after the bazillionth power outage, but something had to go and it wasn't going to be toys, books, or mosquito spray.

After the tears of saying goodbye to our family came the exuberance of the culmination of the past two years finally coming to fruition.  It was surreal to be sitting on the plane headed to our new "home."  When we finally arrived to the compound where we would be living and stepped foot on our front porch with the truck still loaded to the hilt with carseats and suitcases time stood still for a moment,  and we were both overcome with emotion.  The praying, the sharing, the selling of our home, packing, selling, packing, preparing, fund raising, and journeying for two years and we finally made it! We were both thinking those things as we looked into each other's eyes.  We knew it and didn't have to say a word.  It was a moment I'll never forget.

Embracing our dear friends and having the reunion we'd been anticipating was sweet to the soul.  It took the boys no time to start running around chasing the dogs, finding bugs, and digging in the dirt.  They were made for this!   Exhausted but full of joy we stacked our suitcases inside the door and began to look around the house that we would call home.  Sweet notes and chocolates were waiting on the dining table welcoming us.


Too tired for much more, our suitcases lay in a pile the size of a mountain range in our living room floor as we got our bed nets set up over our beds and drifted off to sleep.

I couldn't wait to get unpacked and settled in and make our house a home.  Little did we realize, those suitcases would stay in the same spot for days.  The next morning Tyson woke up with a stomach bug that we must of picked up on our journey, and one by one it went through all of us - Luke was next, then me, and finally Samuel.  This began the roller coaster of illness we would find ourselves on for the next fifteen weeks.  We did manage to get unpacked and make strides towards settling in, but it wasn't long before we began getting hit with malaria.  Within eight weeks Tyson got it twice, I got it four times, and Samuel once.  We decided to go to Zimbabwe to get away from the malaria and recover after two months.  Four days after we arrived in Zimbabwe (I still had my fourth round of malaria) Tyson became ill with something that was never really diagnosed.  What we thought was going to be a time of healing and refreshing turned into six weeks of living in Zimbabwe with multiple doctor's visits and blood tests.  We could not go back to Mozambique not knowing what Tyson had or how to treat it.  It was obvious our malaria prevention medicine was not working, and therefore it was ultimately decided that we should come back to the states to seek further medical treatment.

Along with our head lamps, family photos, Bibles, and cooking spices we had packed anticipation, visions of family life on the mission field, hopes, expectations of serving, desires to grow and be good stewards of what we felt God calling us to, and much more.
I wrote a post about finding joy in suffering that shares a glimpse of what God was showing me in the midst of it all.  One by one it felt as though everything we had "packed" was steadily getting unpacked and thrown out.  We knew sickness and malaria were a reality where we were going, but getting hit so frequently in the transition of arriving for the first time is what took it's toll.

What do you do when the thing you would most dread or are fearful of starts creeping at your door? How in the world could we turn around and go home after only four short months when so many people have invested in us, believing in us to come and serve faithfully here in this land?  How could we let our team down who are counting on us to help with the projects going on?  How could God call us here just to get sick and go back home?  How could this be God? What is going on?  Is this a spiritual battle? Are we supposed to stay strong and fight on?  Did we not hear you correctly? 

We have wrestled.  We have grappled and confronted these questions head on.  Our theology of suffering and knowing God's will has been challenged in a good way.  You know, little questions like "Does God lead us into suffering?" and "How do we know God's calling on our lives for sure?"  

Anger - Disillusionment - Desperation - Depression - Anxiety - Hopelessness - Shame
They were all fighting for the rights to our souls.

Jumping in my mind back to loading our suitcases at JFK on the luggage cart.  With exhilaration we  hauled them for what seemed like miles. Checking in to our international flight, we weren't thinking "wow, I can't wait to go feel nauseated for weeks, hold my child in the middle of the night with 105 degrees of fever and feel more helpless than I ever have. I can't wait to watch my husband be pale and lethargic for six weeks in a foreign land wondering what he is sick with."   I don't think any of us ever sign up knowingly for suffering and brokenness.


Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.  If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.  If  I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.   ~ Psalms 139:8-12

In sharing about our experience and our hardships, we acknowledge that suffering is relative.  So many others have endured and walked through much more difficult situations, but this is where we are and what God has and is using to refine us and reveal Himself to us.

As we have returned back to our homeland and begun to process all that we've experienced in the past year we are discovering that after what we "packed" in our luggage was emptied out and stripped away, the Lord in all of his strength, wisdom and kindness has lovingly loaded us down with treasures more precious than any cheap souvenir to slowly and carefully unpack one eternal gift at a time.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.  ~ Romans 8:18

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  ~ James 1:2-4

We often think of the first part of this verse to dutifully consider it joy when we face difficulties, but do we stick around to let endurance have it's perfect work?

Mozambique and malaria is not something for us to discard and "get past." It has been my temptation to want to shut that door and move on as quickly as possible, but that would be a huge mistake.  It has been in these months following our return that so much has been revealed to us and we've seen the lasting impact this has had in the most important areas of our hearts and lives.  We have resolved to let endurance have it's perfect work and to hang on for the prize - the glory of the Lord to be revealed in us.  To carefully and intentionally unpack this thing.   Isn't it our nature to want out of the fire of our trials as quickly as possible?  Stop the pain.  Comfort ourselves and trade in for a different set of circumstances.  What are we forfeiting by doing this?  I'd venture to say everything!


We have been forever changed by this experience, and our prayer is that we can take what we've been given and make it an offering to encourage men, women, and families who we come in contact with.

Knowing always that God is good.

Love,

Gina and Tyson

Reflecting on our Wedding Vows Six Years Later

Six years ago at this moment, my mom and several of my dear friends were helping me put the finishing touches on my make up, make sure each little hair was in place, and tie the bow on the back of my wedding gown just perfectly.  My dad was pacing and getting ready to tear up as he saw his daughter, the bride, for the first time.  Most importantly, I was just a few minutes away from walking down the aisle and standing face to face with the man who I had longed for, prayed for, waited for, and trusted that God would bring into my life for so many years.



To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part...

Looking back, we've chuckled at how quickly those words rolled out of our mouths eagerly waiting to become Mr. and Mrs. and get on with you know...our HONEYMOON!  

Well, in six short years we've had "better."  We've had "worse!"  We've had "richer."  We've had "poorer."  We've had "sickness," and we've had "health."



I can sit here this morning with such a heart of gratitude.  God has been so faithful, and for that I am thankful.

He was faithful when a single man and a single woman in their twenties (then thirties) were walking, trusting, longing, hoping for that one to share the journey with.  He has been faithful when two very different people began to walk the road of covenanting together and discovering the reality of their own  brokeness.  He has been faithful and beyond extravagant to bring two amazing little humans into being and into our family.



He has been faithful in our faithlessness and in our efforts to trust Him.  He has been faithful in our fearfulness and in our exhilirating moments.  He's been faithful in unrelenting sickness and vulnerability.  He's been faithful in showing up and lighting up our darkness.  He's been faithful in bringing the "better" that we could never have imagined, and for this and so much more I am thankful.



To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine...  

Thank you Lord, for a man who loves you with such a reckless abandonment.  Thank you for a man who chose to fight for a heart that was so difficult to get to - shrouded in fears and insecurities.  He's a warrior.  He's my hero.  Thank you Lord, for a man who loves me the way you do, who allows me to taste of glimpse of your love for me.  A man who didn't just pursue my heart to win it, but makes it his aim to pursue my heart continually.   You give good gifts!

To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part...

I LOVE YOU TYSON!!

Lessons Learned Lately

We’ve been in Africa for exactly two months.  It has been a time of settling, getting adjusted, acclimated, and finding our way.  I’m not going to say unfortunately because I see now that it hasn’t been unfortunate at all, but much of the past two months has been marked with sickness for us (especially me).  That’s one of the reasons there has been a long silence here.  Now I’m ready to share some of the things I’m learning through my own suffering.  I hesitate to claim I’ve suffered because all I have to do is look around to realize that what we’ve been through pales in comparison to so so so many others.  Nevertheless, it has been suffering for me and God has used it greatly in my life. 

We arrived here in Mozambique at the beginning of what is called “hot season.”  Let me tell you it has been hot, and we’re not quite halfway through the hot season yet.  It’s also rainy season.  The heat builds and builds for a few days and then we will get several days of thunderstorms and showers and it cools everything off.  It’s like you get a break in between the heat which is nice.  This is also high malaria season.  The heat and rain brings out the mosquitos.  These mosquitos are tiny and it’s often hard to tell that you’ve even been bitten.  However, they carry malaria.   You can only get malaria from being bitten by a mosquito that carries it.  So far Tyson has had it twice, Samuel once, and me three times.  I just got over it when Tyson came down with it again.  He is currently on treatment medication.  We are all four taking a prophylaxis medication to prevent us from getting it, but it seems the malaria is beginning to resist the medication.  It’s very hard to describe what malaria feels like.  It can be different for different people.  The medications used to treat it are so strong that once you’re on them it’s hard to tell what’s malaria and what’s the medicine.  For me, I feel extremely week and faint with chills, fever, and nausea.  The medicine Tyson is on makes him dizzy and have ringing in his ears.  He also has chills and some nausea.   So that’s malaria!  So many millions of people have lived facing this their whole lives.  Many who do not have access to sprays, bednets, and treatment medication like we do.  Thankfully we do have medicine and it works.  We treat ourselves quickly to reduce the severity.  

With all that being said, we in no way want malaria or sickness to be the theme of our time here.  God’s goodness in our lives, his sovereignty, and our purpose here is SO much greater.  It just happens to be what God has used for our good during this little season.  That’s really what I want to share – a little piece of my heart. 

So, this has been rough for mama!  Like really rough.  The heat, the kids with diarrhea, the culture shock, the kids with culture shock, the malaria, the distance between me and my extended family, and all the photos of pumpkin spice lattes on facebook to name a few.  I’ve had some dark days.  My darkest days so far came last week when I had malaria for the third time.  Not only was I so sick and weak but the medicine I took to treat it caused intense feelings of depression and anxiety.  Intense! I’ve never felt like that before in my life.  At one point, I cried and begged Tyson to pack us up and take us home.  He reminded me we didn’t have a home in the states.  LOL!  I didn’t care, I just wanted out of here and out of my circumstances.  I did not see how I could take another breath it was so painful.  Being so sick and so weak made me really homesick for family and comfort I think.  I could not see the forest for the trees to put it mildly, BUT today I rejoice. 

I have more joy in my heart right now than I’ve had in a very long time.  I see now that God is doing something beautiful and grand and wonderful in our lives.  Suffering is the path to beautiful and wonderful and grand.  I see that. I feel that.  In the past two months, our circumstances have removed all the things that have propped up our character and our substance to make it look way larger than in fact it really is.  I’ve seen that with those props no longer around, my faith and my character has been revealed to be quite small and very unimpressive for sure.  Times like these will bring out the ugly if you know what I mean or should I say the real raw truth.  Even in the torment and weakness I could hear that still small voice saying, “this is good, I’m doing something beautiful.”  Tyson and I on several occasions agreed that we somehow felt that way. 

Here are a few observations I’ve made and things I’ve discovered lately. 

Suffering, if endured results in unspeakable joy!  I’ve been researching as many scriptures as I can about suffering and almost all of them speak of joy or rejoicing.  I had an encounter like that the other night.  As I was up during the night feeling sick and shaky I cried out to God in desperation.  I was so desperate, I said “God, you don’t even have to heal me, just let me know you’re here with me.”  I see now, that in my weakness more than wanting Him to do something for me, I just longed for Him.  Apparently, I was on the right track because, no sooner did I pray that than a flood of joy washed over me that I can hardly describe.  It was an overwhelming all consuming joy out of nowhere and such a undeniable sense of God’s presence and peace.  

James 1:2

Consider it all JOY my bretheren when you encounter various trials.  Knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete lacking nothing. 

Besides joy, suffering seems to go hand in hand with endurance.  I found it interesting that James said to let endurance have its perfect result.  I’m glad we’re choosing endurance.  Last week, I wanted to jump ship.  I guess that’s where my opportunity came to let endurance have its perfect result. 

Another scripture God has continually brought to my attention is Psalm 126: 5-6

“Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting.  He who goes to and fro weeping carrying his bag of seed, shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.”

This is perspective.  I want to endure for the joyful shouting.  I don’t want to give up with my seeds to sow.  I want to shout for joy carrying a harvest with me.  I’m so thankful for God and my husband holding me through the tears, believing in me and in us when I wanted to run away.  I’m feeling so alive to see that there’s joy on the other side of suffering and it can even come right in the midst of the pain.  It can be all mixed together! 

Another revelation I’ve had is that desperation leaves no room for doubt.  My cries to God have been desperate lately.  It dawned on me that when we see Jesus perform miracles and healings in the Bible it usually involved a desperate cry or a desperate person.  I could imagine the desperation in the woman who reached out to touch the hem of his robe in Luke 8.   Immediately she was healed.  I wonder if it was because God responds to desperation or if there was no doubt in her because of her desperation?  When I’m not so desperate, I have plenty of room to entertain doubt. 

I know there is more, much more God is doing here.  I’m just so encouraged to be in his joy and to feel Him so near and to see purpose in all of this.  I choose to endure.  It’s worth it!