Being Certain in the Uncertain

One morning about nineteen months ago,  we told our two little ones that we were going on a little "vacation" to Zimbabwe from what we were beginning to call home in Mozambique.  We had no intentions of burdening their little hearts with the fact that mommy was getting over yet another bout of malaria, fifteen pounds lighter, and both of us overcome and overwhelmed by the prior eight weeks of sickness, culture shock, and general anxiety.  

There we were, loading our van with last minute necessities, wrangling the boys as they were running around chasing the dogs and digging in the dirt.
Little did we know, we would not return at all.  That is the last place we as a family would be in a home of our own for over a year and a half.  Zimbabwe turned into six weeks of my husband being extremely ill with something that could not be diagnosed, and a gut wrenching decision to leave straight from Zimbabwe to head back to the US.   We have been back for fourteen months, and in about a week we will finally be moving into our own home again.  We sold our house and most of our posessions before we moved to Africa assuming we would be there for years.  To say we are eager and excited to be having a place to call our own again and putting down some roots would be an understatement.  BUT....to believe having our own plot of real estate or a specific place to call "home" is the pinnacle of satisfaction or security in this life would be way off the mark too.  Tyson and I had a rare moment to sit and reflect on this past season and the one ahead.  We've learned SO much, SO much!  When life feels the most uncertain, we can be the most certain that God is up to something beyond our own capabilities.  We agreed that security is just an illusion.  We've had so many "insecure" moments or what felt insecure to us, and our circumstances have certainly looked less than stable.  This time has been an eternal gift to both of us.  The gift of growing deeper in fellowship with Him in His sufferings, growing deeper in unfettered love with one another, growing in our parenting, growing in our own character, and in relationships with others.  We're not sure there would've been any other way to attain those things than the path we've found ourselves on.

Through it, God has allowed us to experience true security by allowing us to be stripped of what our culture would define as secure. He has held us closely and tightly.  Eternally speaking, he allowed our foundation to crumble only to rebuild it into something much stronger.  That's the gift that I wouldn't trade for anything.   This post is mainly a reminder to myself as I am so excited to be setting up my own little nest again.  May I not forget where my security lies.  May I not for one minute step out of the knowledge that I am clay and He is the potter.  He's my keeper and nothing else.   I know my tendency will be to grab on tightly and not let go.  I don't want to define this of leaving uncertainty and "arriving" to a place of certainty.    The good news is that our circumstances don't have to dictate our certainty.  However, we are super excited and have high hopes for how God wants to use our family, and our home to reflect His goodness and touch others with His love for them.  That's our prayer for sure.   Once again, our address has changed and so have our hearts!  We can't wait to find out how the two will mix!

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Reflections from A Sleepless Night - Tyson's Debut Appearance on MTMB's

Hey there!  I'm not really excited that my husband has had a case of the chicken pox lately, but I am really excited that he has written a post for our blog.  He has such an awesome heart, and he's a contemplator for sure.  He's all in with Jesus,  willing to wrestle through the hard stuff, and willing to walk with others also wrestling through the hard stuff.   Be encouraged!

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I have the Chicken Pox right now, so my sleep ended at 2 am last night for the itching.  Let me tell you it's no fun as an adult.  I'm sure it's not fun to have as a kid either :-). Symptoms have included fever, chills, headache, stiff neck, bumps with pointy blisters on top and itching as bad as if you laid in a bed of chiggers.  So at 2 am, I got up, put on salve, made a pot of coffee and looked for something good on Netflix. I watched the story about Rich Mullens, the singer/songwriter who wrote "Our God is an Awesome God". I was unaware before last night that his life was full of brokenness, loneliness, and sadness. Yet if you think about the lyrics of most of his songs, it makes sense.  They were birthed out of adversity, out of longing for his true home.   I believe Rich's authenticity helped many come out of hiding and find freedom in the love of Jesus.  In reflecting about my bout with pox, Rich Mullen's life, and our life this past year, the more I realize that what we learn is rooted much deeper, and less likely to be forgotten if it comes by experience rather than just reading about it.  His word helps us shape that experience with good perspective. 

These last few months have been especially difficult for our family, but some of the lasting fruit that has come through the adversity is that Gina and I have developed a list of  "resolves" for our marriage, and for our family that we add to and review periodically.  One of our resolves is that self-pity is not permitted - not in our kids and not in us. Self-pity is the opposite of thankfulness and leads down a destructive path.  We endeavor to model thankfulness daily, and invite Samuel and Luke in to pray with us, giving thanks to God for His goodness in our lives while bringing very real needs before him.  Of course we fail when we lose perspective, but our failures serve to help us remember that our dependence and trust lie in Him, and our resolves remind us of who He's called us to be and who we want to be.  He takes our failures, and our brokenness and He gives us Himself. He gives beauty for ashes and uses our specific brokenness to His advantage and to the benefit and encouragement of others around us.  He is God!