Packing Up One Thing and Unpacking Another

Two years of preparation...Having a baby, selling our home, selling most of our material possessions, sharing our vision and plans with others who graciously got behind us prayerfully and financially, traveling around the country spending time with family and saying goodbye, eagerly anticipating the journey that lay ahead...Mozambique!  Fellow co-workers, a new home, a new language, new local friends, school students, prisoners, babies, mothers, hearts, souls... all treasures in the Kingdom of God we were ready to pour our lives out for.

The task of organizing and packing for a family of four to move across the world was no small project.  Lists and more lists of strategically including what we could into eight large suitcases.  I can still picture in my mind the week Tyson and I worked tirelessly in his dad's workshop with our stuff spread out everywhere waiting to make the cut.  What would we have done without that luggage scale?

Our biggest priority was the suitcase containing the boys' toys and books.  My mom heart wanted them to be surrounded by some of their most beloved familiar items.  We were so delighted when everything we had chosen for them fit perfectly right at the 50 pound limit.  We laughed as we had to shuffle the last few items the night before our flight to keep all eight cases right at 50 pounds.  My votive candles didn't make it.  We were kicking ourselves for that after the bazillionth power outage, but something had to go and it wasn't going to be toys, books, or mosquito spray.

After the tears of saying goodbye to our family came the exuberance of the culmination of the past two years finally coming to fruition.  It was surreal to be sitting on the plane headed to our new "home."  When we finally arrived to the compound where we would be living and stepped foot on our front porch with the truck still loaded to the hilt with carseats and suitcases time stood still for a moment,  and we were both overcome with emotion.  The praying, the sharing, the selling of our home, packing, selling, packing, preparing, fund raising, and journeying for two years and we finally made it! We were both thinking those things as we looked into each other's eyes.  We knew it and didn't have to say a word.  It was a moment I'll never forget.

Embracing our dear friends and having the reunion we'd been anticipating was sweet to the soul.  It took the boys no time to start running around chasing the dogs, finding bugs, and digging in the dirt.  They were made for this!   Exhausted but full of joy we stacked our suitcases inside the door and began to look around the house that we would call home.  Sweet notes and chocolates were waiting on the dining table welcoming us.


Too tired for much more, our suitcases lay in a pile the size of a mountain range in our living room floor as we got our bed nets set up over our beds and drifted off to sleep.

I couldn't wait to get unpacked and settled in and make our house a home.  Little did we realize, those suitcases would stay in the same spot for days.  The next morning Tyson woke up with a stomach bug that we must of picked up on our journey, and one by one it went through all of us - Luke was next, then me, and finally Samuel.  This began the roller coaster of illness we would find ourselves on for the next fifteen weeks.  We did manage to get unpacked and make strides towards settling in, but it wasn't long before we began getting hit with malaria.  Within eight weeks Tyson got it twice, I got it four times, and Samuel once.  We decided to go to Zimbabwe to get away from the malaria and recover after two months.  Four days after we arrived in Zimbabwe (I still had my fourth round of malaria) Tyson became ill with something that was never really diagnosed.  What we thought was going to be a time of healing and refreshing turned into six weeks of living in Zimbabwe with multiple doctor's visits and blood tests.  We could not go back to Mozambique not knowing what Tyson had or how to treat it.  It was obvious our malaria prevention medicine was not working, and therefore it was ultimately decided that we should come back to the states to seek further medical treatment.

Along with our head lamps, family photos, Bibles, and cooking spices we had packed anticipation, visions of family life on the mission field, hopes, expectations of serving, desires to grow and be good stewards of what we felt God calling us to, and much more.
I wrote a post about finding joy in suffering that shares a glimpse of what God was showing me in the midst of it all.  One by one it felt as though everything we had "packed" was steadily getting unpacked and thrown out.  We knew sickness and malaria were a reality where we were going, but getting hit so frequently in the transition of arriving for the first time is what took it's toll.

What do you do when the thing you would most dread or are fearful of starts creeping at your door? How in the world could we turn around and go home after only four short months when so many people have invested in us, believing in us to come and serve faithfully here in this land?  How could we let our team down who are counting on us to help with the projects going on?  How could God call us here just to get sick and go back home?  How could this be God? What is going on?  Is this a spiritual battle? Are we supposed to stay strong and fight on?  Did we not hear you correctly? 

We have wrestled.  We have grappled and confronted these questions head on.  Our theology of suffering and knowing God's will has been challenged in a good way.  You know, little questions like "Does God lead us into suffering?" and "How do we know God's calling on our lives for sure?"  

Anger - Disillusionment - Desperation - Depression - Anxiety - Hopelessness - Shame
They were all fighting for the rights to our souls.

Jumping in my mind back to loading our suitcases at JFK on the luggage cart.  With exhilaration we  hauled them for what seemed like miles. Checking in to our international flight, we weren't thinking "wow, I can't wait to go feel nauseated for weeks, hold my child in the middle of the night with 105 degrees of fever and feel more helpless than I ever have. I can't wait to watch my husband be pale and lethargic for six weeks in a foreign land wondering what he is sick with."   I don't think any of us ever sign up knowingly for suffering and brokenness.


Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; If I make my bed in the depths, you are there.  If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.  If  I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.   ~ Psalms 139:8-12

In sharing about our experience and our hardships, we acknowledge that suffering is relative.  So many others have endured and walked through much more difficult situations, but this is where we are and what God has and is using to refine us and reveal Himself to us.

As we have returned back to our homeland and begun to process all that we've experienced in the past year we are discovering that after what we "packed" in our luggage was emptied out and stripped away, the Lord in all of his strength, wisdom and kindness has lovingly loaded us down with treasures more precious than any cheap souvenir to slowly and carefully unpack one eternal gift at a time.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.  ~ Romans 8:18

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.  ~ James 1:2-4

We often think of the first part of this verse to dutifully consider it joy when we face difficulties, but do we stick around to let endurance have it's perfect work?

Mozambique and malaria is not something for us to discard and "get past." It has been my temptation to want to shut that door and move on as quickly as possible, but that would be a huge mistake.  It has been in these months following our return that so much has been revealed to us and we've seen the lasting impact this has had in the most important areas of our hearts and lives.  We have resolved to let endurance have it's perfect work and to hang on for the prize - the glory of the Lord to be revealed in us.  To carefully and intentionally unpack this thing.   Isn't it our nature to want out of the fire of our trials as quickly as possible?  Stop the pain.  Comfort ourselves and trade in for a different set of circumstances.  What are we forfeiting by doing this?  I'd venture to say everything!


We have been forever changed by this experience, and our prayer is that we can take what we've been given and make it an offering to encourage men, women, and families who we come in contact with.

Knowing always that God is good.

Love,

Gina and Tyson

Reflecting on our Wedding Vows Six Years Later

Six years ago at this moment, my mom and several of my dear friends were helping me put the finishing touches on my make up, make sure each little hair was in place, and tie the bow on the back of my wedding gown just perfectly.  My dad was pacing and getting ready to tear up as he saw his daughter, the bride, for the first time.  Most importantly, I was just a few minutes away from walking down the aisle and standing face to face with the man who I had longed for, prayed for, waited for, and trusted that God would bring into my life for so many years.



To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part...

Looking back, we've chuckled at how quickly those words rolled out of our mouths eagerly waiting to become Mr. and Mrs. and get on with you know...our HONEYMOON!  

Well, in six short years we've had "better."  We've had "worse!"  We've had "richer."  We've had "poorer."  We've had "sickness," and we've had "health."



I can sit here this morning with such a heart of gratitude.  God has been so faithful, and for that I am thankful.

He was faithful when a single man and a single woman in their twenties (then thirties) were walking, trusting, longing, hoping for that one to share the journey with.  He has been faithful when two very different people began to walk the road of covenanting together and discovering the reality of their own  brokeness.  He has been faithful and beyond extravagant to bring two amazing little humans into being and into our family.



He has been faithful in our faithlessness and in our efforts to trust Him.  He has been faithful in our fearfulness and in our exhilirating moments.  He's been faithful in unrelenting sickness and vulnerability.  He's been faithful in showing up and lighting up our darkness.  He's been faithful in bringing the "better" that we could never have imagined, and for this and so much more I am thankful.



To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine...  

Thank you Lord, for a man who loves you with such a reckless abandonment.  Thank you for a man who chose to fight for a heart that was so difficult to get to - shrouded in fears and insecurities.  He's a warrior.  He's my hero.  Thank you Lord, for a man who loves me the way you do, who allows me to taste of glimpse of your love for me.  A man who didn't just pursue my heart to win it, but makes it his aim to pursue my heart continually.   You give good gifts!

To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part...

I LOVE YOU TYSON!!

Lessons Learned Lately

We’ve been in Africa for exactly two months.  It has been a time of settling, getting adjusted, acclimated, and finding our way.  I’m not going to say unfortunately because I see now that it hasn’t been unfortunate at all, but much of the past two months has been marked with sickness for us (especially me).  That’s one of the reasons there has been a long silence here.  Now I’m ready to share some of the things I’m learning through my own suffering.  I hesitate to claim I’ve suffered because all I have to do is look around to realize that what we’ve been through pales in comparison to so so so many others.  Nevertheless, it has been suffering for me and God has used it greatly in my life. 

We arrived here in Mozambique at the beginning of what is called “hot season.”  Let me tell you it has been hot, and we’re not quite halfway through the hot season yet.  It’s also rainy season.  The heat builds and builds for a few days and then we will get several days of thunderstorms and showers and it cools everything off.  It’s like you get a break in between the heat which is nice.  This is also high malaria season.  The heat and rain brings out the mosquitos.  These mosquitos are tiny and it’s often hard to tell that you’ve even been bitten.  However, they carry malaria.   You can only get malaria from being bitten by a mosquito that carries it.  So far Tyson has had it twice, Samuel once, and me three times.  I just got over it when Tyson came down with it again.  He is currently on treatment medication.  We are all four taking a prophylaxis medication to prevent us from getting it, but it seems the malaria is beginning to resist the medication.  It’s very hard to describe what malaria feels like.  It can be different for different people.  The medications used to treat it are so strong that once you’re on them it’s hard to tell what’s malaria and what’s the medicine.  For me, I feel extremely week and faint with chills, fever, and nausea.  The medicine Tyson is on makes him dizzy and have ringing in his ears.  He also has chills and some nausea.   So that’s malaria!  So many millions of people have lived facing this their whole lives.  Many who do not have access to sprays, bednets, and treatment medication like we do.  Thankfully we do have medicine and it works.  We treat ourselves quickly to reduce the severity.  

With all that being said, we in no way want malaria or sickness to be the theme of our time here.  God’s goodness in our lives, his sovereignty, and our purpose here is SO much greater.  It just happens to be what God has used for our good during this little season.  That’s really what I want to share – a little piece of my heart. 

So, this has been rough for mama!  Like really rough.  The heat, the kids with diarrhea, the culture shock, the kids with culture shock, the malaria, the distance between me and my extended family, and all the photos of pumpkin spice lattes on facebook to name a few.  I’ve had some dark days.  My darkest days so far came last week when I had malaria for the third time.  Not only was I so sick and weak but the medicine I took to treat it caused intense feelings of depression and anxiety.  Intense! I’ve never felt like that before in my life.  At one point, I cried and begged Tyson to pack us up and take us home.  He reminded me we didn’t have a home in the states.  LOL!  I didn’t care, I just wanted out of here and out of my circumstances.  I did not see how I could take another breath it was so painful.  Being so sick and so weak made me really homesick for family and comfort I think.  I could not see the forest for the trees to put it mildly, BUT today I rejoice. 

I have more joy in my heart right now than I’ve had in a very long time.  I see now that God is doing something beautiful and grand and wonderful in our lives.  Suffering is the path to beautiful and wonderful and grand.  I see that. I feel that.  In the past two months, our circumstances have removed all the things that have propped up our character and our substance to make it look way larger than in fact it really is.  I’ve seen that with those props no longer around, my faith and my character has been revealed to be quite small and very unimpressive for sure.  Times like these will bring out the ugly if you know what I mean or should I say the real raw truth.  Even in the torment and weakness I could hear that still small voice saying, “this is good, I’m doing something beautiful.”  Tyson and I on several occasions agreed that we somehow felt that way. 

Here are a few observations I’ve made and things I’ve discovered lately. 

Suffering, if endured results in unspeakable joy!  I’ve been researching as many scriptures as I can about suffering and almost all of them speak of joy or rejoicing.  I had an encounter like that the other night.  As I was up during the night feeling sick and shaky I cried out to God in desperation.  I was so desperate, I said “God, you don’t even have to heal me, just let me know you’re here with me.”  I see now, that in my weakness more than wanting Him to do something for me, I just longed for Him.  Apparently, I was on the right track because, no sooner did I pray that than a flood of joy washed over me that I can hardly describe.  It was an overwhelming all consuming joy out of nowhere and such a undeniable sense of God’s presence and peace.  

James 1:2

Consider it all JOY my bretheren when you encounter various trials.  Knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete lacking nothing. 

Besides joy, suffering seems to go hand in hand with endurance.  I found it interesting that James said to let endurance have its perfect result.  I’m glad we’re choosing endurance.  Last week, I wanted to jump ship.  I guess that’s where my opportunity came to let endurance have its perfect result. 

Another scripture God has continually brought to my attention is Psalm 126: 5-6

“Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting.  He who goes to and fro weeping carrying his bag of seed, shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.”

This is perspective.  I want to endure for the joyful shouting.  I don’t want to give up with my seeds to sow.  I want to shout for joy carrying a harvest with me.  I’m so thankful for God and my husband holding me through the tears, believing in me and in us when I wanted to run away.  I’m feeling so alive to see that there’s joy on the other side of suffering and it can even come right in the midst of the pain.  It can be all mixed together! 

Another revelation I’ve had is that desperation leaves no room for doubt.  My cries to God have been desperate lately.  It dawned on me that when we see Jesus perform miracles and healings in the Bible it usually involved a desperate cry or a desperate person.  I could imagine the desperation in the woman who reached out to touch the hem of his robe in Luke 8.   Immediately she was healed.  I wonder if it was because God responds to desperation or if there was no doubt in her because of her desperation?  When I’m not so desperate, I have plenty of room to entertain doubt. 

I know there is more, much more God is doing here.  I’m just so encouraged to be in his joy and to feel Him so near and to see purpose in all of this.  I choose to endure.  It’s worth it!